Super Mario Bros World 1-1 was my introduction, not only to video games but also to life itself. Like a newborn baby we start, knowing nothing slowly figuring out that we have a purpose that we can move forward that we can JUMP. Some of us, well, we die from that first Koopa For those of us who don’t we move forward, always forward even though the Princess is in another castle fucking our brother. It is said that to live a life of contentment we must look for experiences, not possessions. So what about No Man’s Sky? It was the promise of an experience that you had to possess. Instead of a new reality though, we were given what amounted to vacuuming up trash on a shit planet. I wept while I played, for I had waited too long to get a refund. The great irony of games is that people buy expensive computers to play games about how you would survive with no possessions. Some games let you pretend you could survive a zombie apocalypse, when in fact you would be the first to die, unable as you are to
use a real Med-kit, or even run up a flight of stairs without puking. Perhaps you are in a game right now and the world around you is already dead. I hope you find this thought comforting. If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go pwn
some noobs in Overwatch on my Alienware gaming rig Use the discount code “WERNER” to save
10% on your next purchase. Join me next week when I’ll explain how Duke
Nukem is a total feminist.