SCP-261 Pan-dimensional Vending Machine | Safe class | Food / drink / appliance scp

SCP-261 Pan-dimensional Vending Machine | Safe class | Food / drink / appliance scp


Item #: SCP-261 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: Any access
to SCP-261 must be approved by staff with level 2 security clearance or higher. Any
and all items dispensed by SCP-261 must be recorded, along with the amount of money entered
and the amount of time elapsed between uses. Currently, SCP-261 may be used only ten times
in a twenty-four hour period, with no transaction exceeding the equivalent of 500 Japanese yen.
Testing approved by Site Command is not under these restrictions. Items dispensed by SCP-261 should be reviewed
by Site Health and Safety officials before consumption. Failure to do so releases the
Foundation from any obligation regarding negative effects. Items deemed dangerous or useful
to research will be confiscated by site security, with financial compensation provided in proportion
to money spent. Description: SCP-261 appears to be a large
black vending machine with no front glass panel, and a small keypad on the right side.
SCP-261 was recovered in Yokohama, Japan. SCP-261 was brought to the Foundation’s
attention after investigation of an “urban legend” about a “magic vending machine”
that was circulating on the internet. SCP-261 was found in a back alley behind a large shopping
center, with a hand-written sign saying “out of order” in Japanese taped to it. SCP-261
has no marks or identification of any kind, and no locals remember when or how it came
to be in its current location. Internally, SCP-261 appears to be a basic
vending machine equipped to vend food and beverage items. After a key was made and the
front door opened, no abnormal materials were found, and it was determined that SCP-261
has never actually contained any food or beverage items. The keypad, while connected and operating
correctly, does not activate any of the dispensing mechanisms. When money is placed into SCP-261 and a three-digit
number is entered on the keypad, SCP-261 will vend a random item. SCP-261 has not accepted
any currency other than Yen, with rejected currency being deposited in the coin return
slot. It is unknown how these items appear; however, SCP-261 will not operate when the
door is open, or when recording devices are placed inside. The number entered on the keypad
has no effect on the item vended, nor has any pattern been detected. Items are always
some form of “snack food”, and typically have bright, attention-grabbing packaging. SCP-261 is capable of operating with no external
power supply, but operation in this state will cause “unstable” vending to occur
much more quickly than normal. If SCP-261 is used several times in a short period of
time and/or large amounts of money are entered before an item is vended, SCP-261 will start
to dispense bizarre items. While still “food”, their suitability for human consumption is
often non-existent. Log of items vended during Testing Phase 8:
800 yen entered for each item, items being dispensed every 2 minutes. SCP-261 is attached
to power. “Coke Zero” – A can of diet Coke, packaging
in English. “Cheetos” – A small bag of Cheetos snack
food, packaging in English. “Black Black” – A single pack of caffeinated
chewing gum, packaging in Japanese. “Yan Yan” – A single Yan Yan cone, with
peach dipping frosting, packaging in Japanese. The Meiji Seika Company does not produce this
flavor. “Pepsi: Dragon Twist” – A can of Pepsi
cola, with a trace of fruit flavor, packaging in English. Flavor identified as Dragon Fruit.
PepsiCo does not produce this product. “Darkside Cola” – A “can” with clear
plastic sides, packaging in Japanese. Liquid inside is clear. When opened, liquid appears
to react to the air, and changes to dark black over a period of several seconds. The black
coloration “looks like billowing smoke”, and cannot be reversed. Liquid’s taste described
as “cola, with something spicy in it.” “The Little Bakery: 7 Grain” – A small
tube the size of a candy bar with a green button, made of aluminum, packaging in English.
When the top is twisted off, a mass of “dough” is extruded. “Dough” contains several
enzymes and bacteria that have not yet been identified. On contact with air, these cause
the dough to rise and “bake”, killing the microbes in the process. Produces a small,
round loaf of bread weighing 250 grams. Taste described as good, but chewy. “Lemon Clams” – Thick plastic baggie
with a plastic tube on the side, containing water and twelve clams, packaging in Dutch.
Following on-package instructions, the plastic tube was cracked like a “glow stick”.
Liquid in the bag flashed to steam, venting from a hole that popped open in the top of
the bag, slightly burning one researcher. Steaming finished after thirty-eight seconds,
after which clams were found to be fully cooked and infused with a mild lemon flavor. On investigation,
clams match no recorded species. “” – Small mesh bag filled
with small, multi-colored pyramids, packaging in an unknown language. Pyramids found to
be very hard and unpleasant tasting, compared to chalk in taste and consistency. When placed
in hot water, pyramids open and produce “strings” that quickly dissolve, coloring the water
the same shade as the pyramid. Water had no additional taste, but testing revealed a sharp
increase in mineral, carbohydrate, and protein content, with several minerals unidentified
at the present time. This content was found to be consistent with the recommended daily
intake of nutrients for adult humans. Researcher ingesting the water reported stomach cramps
two hours later, but no other effects. “” – Aluminum box with a small
glass window on the side, and a large round button on the top, packaging in an unknown
language. Box is seamless, and appears to be filled with small, round animals covered
in fur, each with three small paws and a single large eye. Pressing the button causes the
inside of the box to rapidly become super-heated, cooking the small animals alive. Muffled noises
and scratching were heard for several seconds during the cooking process. After one minute,
thirty seconds, the front panel opens and gives access to the now-cooked animals. Professor
Kain volunteered to eat the animals, with no other researchers willing to do so. Taste
described as crunchy and very spicy, with a small hint of beef. “” – Tall, thin aluminum can,
packaging in an unknown language. Opening the can caused a chemical reaction with the
liquid inside the can. Liquid was apparently not intended for an oxygenated atmosphere,
and detonated violently, causing several injuries and killing two researchers. Testing discontinued,
and area cleared. Testing area observed to smell like citrus for several days. Note: subsequent testing recorded in Experiment
Log 261 Ad De Item Record for SCP-261
Please record any and all anomalous items received from SCP-261, along with amount of
money entered and item description, using the format below. Mundane items will be made
available for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by Site Security. Money entered:
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Item description: Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Oreos – A package of six
standard Oreos, in bright blue wrapping, label in Spanish. No unusual taste. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Bag of Jolly Ranchers – Contained
both standard flavors of Green Apple and Watermelon, with additional flavors Pomegranate, Loquat,
and Blackberry. Current Jolly Ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. Edible. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Spice Bomb” – Small gumball,
red and orange banded in color, with packaging in Japanese. Tasted like jalapeño-flavored
gum. Extremely spicy. Testing was halted temporarily in order to allow Dr. ██████ to
vomit and consume antacids. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Mountain Dew: Hot Pink – Clear
plastic bottle, label in English. Carbonated liquid within a brilliant pink color, and
proved to be edible, tasting very sweet and tart. Mild sugar high ensued. Flavor identified
to be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description:– Small plastic
box containing apparatus similar to heroin kit with small vial of clear liquid, label
in unknown language. Found alternative researcher to use it. After injection, subject reported
the strong taste of mint, and they smelled constantly of peppermint for the next several
hours, apparently coming from sweat and body oils. Subject reported nausea after the first
hour or so of this, due to the constant smell and taste. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description:– USB-capable
device similar to a flash drive, packaging marked only with a bar code. When plugged
into a computer, the computer ran at twice normal speed and refused to react to mouse
or keyboard movement, and appeared to be running several instances of the program Minesweeper
at once. Object kept for potential testing with mechanical SCPs. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description:– Milk chocolate
replica of human male sexual organ, approximately six and a half inches from base to head, in
foil wrapping with unknown language resembling Korean on label. Hollow, filled with liquid
white chocolate. Edible. Testing concluded. Money entered: 167 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Doritos- A bag of Doritos
chips, nacho cheese flavor. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Hershey’s with nuts- A regular-sized
bar of Hershey’s chocolate with nuts. However, the nuts match with no known species. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Green Apple Frosting- A
container of green frosting, with a green apple flavor. Currently not produced by any
company. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Lay’s Blooming Onion: All-dressed-
An onion of average size and color. Cutting into shows that it is made of many layers,
each a different color and tasting of a different flavor of chips, including some flavors never
made by Lay’s. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Unknown- A clear plastic
package filled with water, with tiny Manta Ray-like creatures swimming in it. Attached
to it was a blue tablet in a plastic wrapper. When the top was opened and the tablet was
added, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. After the ice block was pulled out of
the package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures, frozen solid. Each was
described as having a slightly different flavor. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Naked Fruit Drink (Berry
Flavored) – No unusual properties detected. Packaging in English. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Edible Chess Set – Small
edible chess set made from hard candy. Candy similar in taste and texture to Pez, packaging
in French. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Human Breast Milk (Chocolate
Flavored) – Very sweet. Dr. ██████ reported a sensation of nostalgia. Nothing unusual
about the quality of the milk beyond its packaging. Small label in Japanese.
“I think the boob-shaped container was a nice touch.” – Dr. ██████ Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Build-Your-Own Candybots
– A small bag containing various mixed parts that could be assembled in different ways
to create tiny, candy robots. Once completed, candy robots began to move on their own for
approximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. Very sweet. Packaging
in unknown language. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: SCP-417 Fruit – Room was
evacuated briefly before the item (in airtight packaging) was sent to be incinerated. Packaging
in unknown language. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Suppository – Item was not
used. Tests run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. Packaging in
unknown language resembling Greek, complete with diagram of how to use. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Bacon Shirt – A simple T-shirt,
dark red in color, in plastic packaging, unknown language. A test revealed the shirt to be
edible, wearable, and with a taste similar to bacon. No side effects from wearing the
shirt, beyond a vague smell of bacon. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Advertising Bottle – A tall
bottle of an unknown alloy, with a twist-off top, and filled with a liquid resembling Pepsi
Blue. The sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisements featuring an attractive
woman while being drank. Object powered down once liquid was fully drained. Advertisements
and packaging in unknown language resembling archaic Japanese. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Reverse-Temperature Creampuff
– A packaged creampuff that grew warmer when exposed to cold, and cooler when exposed to
heat. Placing it in the microwave caused frost to form, and putting it in the freezer resulted
in it being burning hot. Tasted decent, if a touch stale. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Thiotimoline cookies – Three
chocolate chip cookies in plastic wrapping. Tasting sensations were felt at least three
seconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. Packaging in what appears
to be an unrecorded dialect of Bambara. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Hardtack — A piece of
hardtack. Packaging in what was later determined to be heavily Hellenized French written in
Greek characters. Item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. Translation revealed the
flavor to be turtle soup. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Energy gas — A soap bubble
stabilized inside a transparent plastic can. Packaging in English. Instruction are to “pierce
a hole an inhale the contained gas.” Applying a finger to the bubble will indeed pierce
a hole. Inhaling the (lavender-scented) gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanished
completely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. Subject complained
for several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Hazelnut Glosette — A
package of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. Packaging in German.
DNA matched that of Iranian Corylus avellana strains. The Hershey Company does not manufacture
this product. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Caramelized tarantula spider
— A hairy spider 13 inches in legspan covered in hard caramel. Item was not consumed. Identified
as an unrecorded Phoneutria member. Test showed highly toxic venom was still present in the
glands. Packaging in an unknown language. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Sculptural candy — A tube
containing a bright orange PlayDoh-like paste, strongly smelling of citrus. Was malleable
and gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. Hardening caused subject’s
fingers to become trapped. Packaging in unrecorded language written in Cyrillic. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Dr. Pepper’s Amusing Straw!
— A straw, which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweetened
Dr. Pepper. Straw contained much more liquid than physically possible (approximately the
volume of a normal Dr. Pepper bottle). Packaging in Japanese. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Geology Aero — An Aero
bar twice as thick as the regular, formed of four layers in four different flavors and
colors of chocolate: dark, orange, mint and white. The Nestlé company does not manufacture
this product. Packaging in German. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Terri’s [sic] Chocolate
Pumpkin — A pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces.
Tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. The Kraft Food Company does not make this
product. Packaging in American English. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Fruits of the Loom — A
package of three pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. Items confiscated. Current
whereabouts unknown. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Sound Bites — Small cookies
shaped like onomatopoeia words. When broken or chewed, the items produced the sound corresponding
to their text. Money entered: 10,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Item is a small loaf of
round bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. Colorful wrapper bears logo for
“Heaven’s Shining Auspicious Bakery,” with the tag-line, “Made by angles for angles”
(sic). Upon consuming the item, subject immediately fell into a comatose state, during which he
appeared to be in a constant ecstatic state similar to an orgasm. Subject recovered after
fifty minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours, babbling about “gates
of pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous hosts of the shattered princess”. Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A single kernel of popped
kettle corn. Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Five pieces of a traditional
Indonesian snack known as klepon. Item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder and
wrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A can labelled ‘Ponari Sweat’
in blue and white. Some text in Indonesian on the side, claiming that this beverage could
‘cure any kind of disease’, ‘Made in Jombang’, ‘straight from Ponari’s magic stone’ and other
gimmicky-sounding adverts. Can given to a D-class with prostate cancer for testing.
After emptying the can, the D-class was thoroughly examined. Results show that the prostate cancer
had disappeared. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A small orange box with
a radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. Item moved to a heavy-duty
blast chamber and tested extensively. After all. The decision was made to test the object,
with all observers other than the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. When
subject pressed the button, a bright flash was recorded, and then a small orange mushroom
cloud. Subject was unharmed, and after the experiment anyone entering the blast chamber
immediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. Subject had to wash continuously for
five hours to rid his body of the scent. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A styrofoam bowl with a
paper lid, labelled “Instant Morioka-Style Reimen: just add hot water.” Instructions,
written in Japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes, then stir
well. Contents of bowl appear to be instant noodles as well as several small capsules
of unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. Upon adding hot water, item grew
warm for approximately three minutes, then immediately chilled to approximately 5°C.
Upon peeling back the cover, noodles were found to be cooked and floating in a cold
beef broth. Capsules were missing, and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slices
thinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kkakdugi (ponytail radish kimchi), and half a hard
boiled egg. Contents were edible. Advertisements on packaging encouraged users to “try our
other flavors,” including “traditional Korean” and “kimchi mixed” Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Unknown – A sealed paper
sleeve of indeterminate chemical makeup and unknown language. Stylized image of what appears
to be a 6-legged blue tortoise. Packaging opened to reveal a single large piece of dark
dried meat. Taste noted as sweet and spicy, with an unusual texture. Approximately 6 hours
after consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatulence. Isolated
to quarantine where what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused the prolapse
of two-thirds of his digestive tract from either end of his body. Subject died after
5 hours. Money entered: 750 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Aluminum bottle with screw-top,
colorful graphic on the sides indicating flying insects contained within. Testing moved to
isolation chamber. Subject opened bottle and was swarmed by highly aggressive insects colored
in Red, Blue, Green, and Purple. Subject consumed a number of the insects attempting to sting
him on his arms and torso. Flavors primarily sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity.
Described as “Similar to PEZ, but not as sweet.” Insects died approximately 9 minutes later
and were collected. Agreement in flavor noted throughout all test participants willing to
consume insects. Initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin, oozing brightly
colored fluid with similar flavor. No further side-effects noted. Lesions appeared to heal
normally. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Steel canister with pressure
gauge on top, release valve. Label shows brightly colored trisymmetrical lifeforms inhaling
psychedelic fumes. Subject unscrews release valve, noting strong smell of bitter almonds
before asphyxiating. Contents revealed to be pressurized hydrogen cyanide gas. Testing
halted. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Rat on a stick. — A fried
rat skewered on a thin wooden spike. Southern fried. Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Applexsplosion. — Object
originally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not found
in nature, such as purple, orange, and white. However, any physical trauma towards an apple
results in it violently exploding and completely saturating the surrounding area in a thick
edible paste. Paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all were
strictly fruit flavors. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Candy Bullets! — A CZ-75-B
9mm pistol in a partially transparent package. Package was stylised with several graphics
depicting smiling persons being shot, labelled in English in stereotypical “New Yorker” slang.
The rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy,
though completely functional as normal ammunition. Item was fired at the research subject’s foot.
Besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, subject also noted a heavy
taste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. The munition dissolved
in the subject’s bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. The pistol itself
was found to also be completely edible, though much too difficult to chew. Tasted of tutti-frutti. Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Dimensional Donuts — A
brightly colored box of donuts, labeling in Spanish. Donuts possess a small interdimensional
anomaly, located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donut
is broken. When held sideways, small objects fall out of the hole, the object varying depending
on person, donut, and time of day. Items noted include small candies, slices of fruit, jigsaw
pieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects of unknown species,
and human fingers. Following test logs from March 9, 2009 were
impromptu testing on an unpowered SCP-261 prompted by power loss in the wing that the
SCP-261 is kept in during lunchtime. Results are listed as usual. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Blastola Cola. Blue and
orange can, with advertisement on the side for “CAPTAIN COMIC XII PRE-RELEASE GIVEAWAY!”
No such game exists. Soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. After drinking, subject was
seen to belch a puff of what has been described as “cold fire”. Subject was uninjured. A workplace
safety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered in a thin layer of frost. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Pile O’ Slugs. A produce
box, typical of the sort used to pack strawberries, full of live garden slugs. Label on the lid
was hand-written in English. While not consumed, later testing revealed that the slugs contained
large amounts of vitamin C, E, and most of the B complex (sans Riboflavin). Also contained
large amounts of arsenic. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Unknown name. Aluminum box
containing brick of gelatinous green material. When opened, material began to scream. Item
was not consumed. When tested later the material had shriveled into a tiny green flake suspended
in water, and was capable of emitting a 2 dB whispering noise. All attempts to identify
nature of material failed; flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortly
after testing began. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Bright yellow, elongated
package made of cellophane, resembling a banana peel. Language of label is identified as a
combination of Welsh and Spanish, and when translated reads as, “Banana Easier to Open!
Making Your Banana Opening Easy!” Package contained a bright yellow food item resembling
an unpeeled banana except in color. Chemical testing found higher amounts of fructose and
other processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Upon removal of
[DATA EXPUNGED] from the object, a Class-D Personnel sampled the object and noted that
it was very sweet. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Fried fish patty with mustard
filling, similar to a Hot Pocket in packaging and preparation. Package bore the likeness
of Muppet character “the Swedish Chef”, and with the exception of the instructions and
nutritional information (in English) the remainder of the packaging is in unintelligible faux-Swedish
with an abundance of umlauts and accent marks. Item was extremely salty. At this point in the experiment, Dr. ███████ unplugged
SCP-261 and asked for the change to be noted. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “Most Horrendously Painful
Hangover Ever Candy Shots”. Japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band Offspring and
tiny, super-deformed likenesses of the band smashing a generic salaryman’s head with jackhammers.
Candy appeared to be gummi shot glasses full of various solid color gummi. Taste varied
from candy to candy, but was generally “extremely sweet”. Candy was examined and shown to have
no alcoholic content, despite slight flavor that insinuated otherwise. Ingredient list
on back listed only “HATRED AND VITRIOL” in English; no other ingredients listed anywhere
on package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states that
the candy may aggravate dairy allergies. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Small cylinder covered in
crosshatching lines of varying configuration; appears to be a form of writing. Bright purple
and green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure with what appears to
be two mouths. Removing cap produced a sudden gush of gray-violet foam; subject dropped
the tube and ran to the chemical wash, stating that it was burning his hands. The foam was
found to be acidic, and contain significant amounts of capsaicin. The latter was more
responsible for the burning sensation than the former. When analyzed, the foam was shown
to contain massive amounts of Riboflavin and B6, but no other B complex vitamins, or other
vitamins whatsoever. It did contain trace amounts of arsenic and methane, as well as
a few minerals that were currently unknown; unfortunately, the sample was lost when the
foam dissolved after several hours. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Small, airtight blue plastic
bag, very cold to the touch and labelled in an unknown language. Contents appeared to
be several small, shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried.
When heated in water they expand to two centimeters in diameter. Spheres appear to be eyeballs
of an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purple
vessels. The outside was slick and tasteless, but when bitten a large amount of thick purple
jelly tasting of watered-down grape juice bursts out. Minutes later, the jelly turned
out to cause extremely vivid hallucinations. Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Small cardboard can of “Eetmees”,
with the rest of the packaging labelled in French describing the foodstuff as “Irresistibly
Good!” and “Undeniably Tasty!”. Can contained five small, three-legged crab-like
creatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. When released, they leaped up and down
ecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!” in shrill, high-pitched
voices. When subject delayed and then refused to eat them, the “Eetmees” attempted to
force their way into the subject’s mouth. When chewed, the creatures made “joyous shrieking”
sounds, and made “whee” sounds when swallowed. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “FOOD”. 18 oz steel can
with a pull-tab. Label was all white with the word “FOOD” written in large, black letters.
No other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. When opened, can
was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. Subjects described the paste as “devoid
of any taste”, and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical analysis
has found the paste to be low in fat and LDL cholesterol, as well as containing all necessary
vitamins and minerals, including several as-of-yet unidentified chemicals. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “DRINK”. 12 oz aluminum
drink can. Label is similar to the “Food” can: all white with nothing but the word “DRINK”
in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and has a viscosity lower than water.
When ingested, subjects became more open to suggestion, becoming more and more subservient
the more of the “Drink” was administered almost to the point of having no will of their own.
Research into the long-term effects of the “Drink” is being investigated. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: BEEF! Aluminum can, similar
to a soup can. In formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, although all information
or characters were replaced by “BEEF! BEEF! BEEF!” repeated. Can contained pinkish meat,
which was revealed to be uncooked beef. No abnormalities detected. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Mint Fish”: Plain paper
envelope, dual packaging in Russian and Navajo. Package contained unidentifiable light green
powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into the shape of a small goldfish,
same color as the powder. This wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar
to a living fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and terminated
by a guard. Described as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “TASTE ME”: A transparent
plastic box containing a single slice of white cake. No ingredients or information other
then the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class-D personnel, who, after consuming
the product, immediately went into convulsions, and shortly thereafter collapsed and died.
Autopsy showed that the subject had become seven inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%,
and that death and seizures were due to expansion of the brain. Analysis of the cake showed
large amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals. Name: Doctor King Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Single seed. Tests revealed
it as apple. Money entered: 2 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Two seeds, also apple. Money entered: 3 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Three seeds. Apple again. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One thousand apple seeds.
Similar tests were undertaken for the remainder of the day, resulting in apple seeds every
time. Several complaints were issued against Doctor King, complaining that he had “broken”
this SCP. The machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morning
by another researcher. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Ladypax”. Several small
snack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labelled in slightly out-of-date Japanese with an unusual
amount of English loanwords. Cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. Consumption
by female subject resulted in immediate commencing of that subject’s menstruation, despite the
fact that it was not due for another week. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Prangles”. Item resembles
in almost every way a standard tube of Pringles, Sour Cream and Onion flavour. The only difference
in appearance is that the mascot on the box has red skin and takes on a vaguely demonic
look. Item was given to a Class D subject. Once the lid of the Prangles is unsealed,
or “popped”, the subject was literally unable to prevent herself from eating the chips continuously.
Moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature, as the subject has been eating
for several days at time of writing and shows no sign of slowing down. No difference between
the chips and normal Pringles was found. This is the second subject to be tested; the first
one continued eating even after termination, and the tube had to be forcibly removed from
her grasp. Name: Doctor King
Money entered: 300 yen SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Three hundred apple seeds. The same product results whenever Doctor King,
or an individual who has been asked to do the test for Doctor King, activates the machine.
It it as yet unclear why this might be, or whether it may be evidence of sentience on
the part of the machine. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: X-treme Chips – Yellow bag
with no labeling or nutrition facts save for a gigantic red “X” on the front. Opened cautiously
to find nothing more than standard potato chips. Fed chips to D-Class 24045-06, whose
voice immediately grew deeper and requested this agent join him in extreme sport activities
such as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. Request was denied. Money entered: 50 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Maxwell House Artificial
Coffee Drink – 355 ml navy blue can with the Maxwell House Logo prominently displayed on
upper half. Lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans. Ingredients listed
as water, artificial flavor, and sucrose. 10 calories. Item was bitter and noted to
be inferior to instant coffee. Drink is not produced by Maxwell House after product research. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A red mushroom with blue
spots, resembling no other species of fungus. When fed to D24046-19, he claimed to be “[sic]
totally tripping balls”, and then instructed researchers to “be quiet, my show is on”.
For a duration of
one hour, he was no longer reactant to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughing
and crying without correlation to external stimuli. When subject awoke, he stated that
he did not exactly recall what he had seen, but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom. Money entered: 100,000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item has
been detained and is being tested for sentience. Subject detained for seven days for contamination
testing. Both tests turn up negative. Subject released from detainment along with [DATA
EXPUNGED]. Item described as “Light, but with a burst of flavor”. Subject expressed desires
for more and depression when request was denied. Placing more than 5000 yen in the machine
requires formal approval for an experiment test. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A lavishly illustrated menu
for “Big Bub’s House of Subs”. Further investigation revealed that the photographs of the various
menu items were flavored like the items they represented. Nutrient content was typical
for moderate quality restaurant fare. Item was dry, but not filling. Money entered: 250 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A blue and yellow 500 ml
metal can with a screw-on cap, labeled “Dr. Belcher’s Magical Flashing Bug Juice”. Can
contains a carbonated neon green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigo
light. Testing reveals no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigo
band. No nutrition information printed on the can. Tastes strongly of tangelos. Heavy
diuretic effect that lasted several days. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Agent Orange Sherbet: a
small, single serving ice cream container, printed in obscure working-class French, with
a cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses,
giving a thumbs up, and saying “Good enough to die twice for!”. Given to D-2348 for testing.
Subject took a bite and claimed “tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla cream
hint to it, like eating a creamsicle”. Subject later complained of minor back pain, but reported
that he was fine the next day. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Mr Q’s Cumbersome Soda Bottle:
a small, plastic bottle, clear with a minty greenish tint, with an odd stopper in the
neck of the bottle. When tilted normally to drink, the cola hits the stopper and won’t
flow. Through an hour of testing, the stopper is discovered to only to work when the bottle
is tilted at a right angle while being rotated from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly.
Soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty. Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A 12 oz beverage can of
“American Air.” Emblazoned with an American flag that circles the can, notably displaying
48 stars instead of 50. A small caption on the back of the can reads as follows: “A real
patriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists. A real patriot remembers. Let
your love of freedom breathe freely, with American Air™.” As expected, the can contains
somewhat stale but otherwise normal air. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A size 64 trilby style fedora
composed of beef jerky. The object was flattened inside small cardboard box, with nutrition
facts and a label reading “Meathat: Teriyaki Fedora,” and the catchphrase “You can have
your hat, and eat it too!” Consumed without incident, taste described as tough, but enjoyable. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: An LP music album composed
entirely of hard green sugar, in an airtight green plastic wrap. Packaging in Albanian,
with a picture of a cellist and a pianist playing a duet. Playing the album resulted
in an unrecognized piano/strings movement, with the LP uncoiling itself as the needle
passed. Surprisingly, this did not seem to interfere with the balance of the LP or the
phonograph machine in any way. A recording of the music is available on request. The
LP was consumed by those attending the presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hard
candy. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: An olive green plastic bag
of dried bay leaves. Packaging in ancient Greek, Delphic dialect, with the phrase “Pythia’s
Choice™ brand Bay Leaves.” Three leaves were fed to subject D-3968. Subject reported
loss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns, and seemed to be entering
a trancelike state. Upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went into
convulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient Greek of the same
dialect displayed on the package. Subject continued to convulse for three minutes and
twenty-four seconds, then became limp and unresponsive. Subject died two days afterward,
with no signs of recovery. Analysis of leaves has shown an extremely high concentration
of ethylene, a chemical compound known to cause the observed effects. How the subject
spoke Greek is as yet unknown. The translation of the subject’s outburst is largely nonsensical,
and is available on file by request. Money entered: 4 mon (coin circa mid-15th
century Japan) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: Small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting various
hiōgi fans. Bound with golden string. Opening the pouch revealed the contents to be little
more than dust. Analysis of dust reveals it to consist of dessicated rice, red beans,
shrimp and soybeans, originating from approximately the same era as the currency used. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Cylinder labeled “Aunt Annie’s
Fruity Fibers: Blue Raspberry Beret,” packaging text written in English, French, and Hawaiian.
Packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors, including “Grape Gloves,”
“Mint Mittens,” and “Cherry Cowl.” Contents were one skein of sweet-smelling blue yarn,
a pair of knitting needles, and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knitting
a simple hat. Sampling the end of the “yarn” proved it to be edible, though described as
“chewy and a little dry,” with a raspberry flavor. The presiding researcher was able
to knit the hat described in the pattern, and reported that the “yarn” behaved similarly
to a wool blend. Money entered: 1 counterfeit 500 yen coin
(minted on site, otherwise identical to authentic article), accepted by SCP-261
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: After a delay of approximately
3 seconds, an unmarked, opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. Package contained candies
similar to “Gummi Bears,” but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers.
Item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. Testing revealed candy contained lethal amounts
of potassium cyanide. On 10/09/2009, a sequential experiment with
an unpowered SCP-261 was run, attempting to discern just how quickly the machine would
start to dispense “bizarre” objects. All vended items were tested via D-class personnel for
safety reasons. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A soft drink can labeled
“Cokepsi Zero” with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the Coke and Pepsi
zero-calorie product labels. D-class personnel reported it to taste like a mix of Coke and
Pepsi, and a definite taste of aspartame. Ingredients list on can appear to be a mix
of Coke and Pepsi ingredients. No special effects noted. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A larger than normal can,
the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocery
stores. Upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot, melted butter and two stunted
corncobs. The can showed no signs of being warm to the touch from the outside. Item was
consumed without incident. Butter cooled off normally. Later reports of stomach and bowel
pain from D-class personnel prompted termination and autopsy, revealing the presence of popped
corn kernels within his gastrointestinal tract. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: An unlabeled object that
resembles a mark 2 “pineapple” fragmentation hand grenade. Testing area evacuated as a
precaution. D-class personnel sent in to retrieve item under surveillance, expressing concern.
Object appeared to be safe. Object was moved to a blast chamber. D-class personnel ordered
to remove pin, throw and evacuate, and complies reluctantly. Object explodes in the corner
of the blast chamber in a “puff of sugar” and several high velocity fragments. Blast
chamber coated in varying amounts of granulated sugar. Metal fragments observed in walls.
It was noted that upon entering a taste of sugar could be definitely observed. No harmful
effects noted. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A 6-inch-long figurine of
SCP-682, which upon being removed from the vending machine became animate and started
to do an apparent barbershop routine, dancing with a suddenly materializing cane and hat
upon the counter. Music came from an unidentified source and resembled a standard barbershop
routine, but those present were unable to place the singers. Nearby security personnel
opened fire upon the figurine. Bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed into
it. Figurine stopped dancing and music ceased after approximately two minutes. Item not
consumed, but tests revealed it to be made of caramel. Further chemical analysis revealed
that the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and ricin poison. Item
also contained intact, expended 9mm JHP rounds, having apparently “healed” the wounds but
not removed the bullets. Item disposed of. Money entered: 10-yen note (minted circa 1943)
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Chocolate 5 1/4″ Floppy
disk, later inspection reveals it to be formatted for the Japanese MSX Computer. Performing
a read/write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disk in any way,
despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough to
melt chocolate. Item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate. Money entered: 450 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Malinalxochitl’s Xocolatl.”
A small aluminum can, with a label in what appears to be the Aztec language, illustrated
with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Meso-American dress smiling and holding up
a cup emitting steam. Bottom of can has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid.
Tastes faintly of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy. Money entered: 300 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Philosopher’s Figs ‘n Honey.”
A small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek label
indicated there was a “special Philosopher prize” inside. Box was separated by a ceramic
divide down the center. One half contained honey, and the other half contained several
fresh figs. Honey described as “clovery”. The prize inside was a miniature marble bust
of Plato. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “FairyFairy [sic] Alchemy
Coins.” A white package of cracker-like medallions, quarter-sized, with alchemical symbols inscribed
on their surfaces. Label, which is in Middle English, has a few cartoon fairies waving
magic wands over the crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted.
D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste and
texture to saltines. Other crackers contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury,
and lead. Money entered: 535 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Mandel-Brötchen”. While
the name would suggest bread, the actual product inside is a set of four dry chocolate cookies
in fractal shapes. This fractal pattern is repeated down to the atomic structure of the
cookies’ surface. A warning on the package states that the cookies must be dipped in
water or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat. Money entered: 400 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Turduchoken”. Balls of
fried turkey, each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candy
with a fried chicken center. Labeling describes the product as containing 450% the amount
of saturated fat required by an adult human. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Piscina.” A soda can packaged
by the Coca-Cola Company. English labelling and logo. Nutrition facts note high in Omega
3 fatty acids. Ingredients list fish oils prominently. D-class opened, consumed. Texture
of chicken soup, tastes like fresh salmon; verified by researcher. Taste was unusual
but enjoyable. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A cardboard box, 9cm x 9cm
x 6cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. Unknown pictographic
script similar to Aztec. Opening the box revealed a tooth, full scale, approximately 5 centimeters
long. Essentially a jawbreaker; chemical analysis confirms. The ‘pulp’ of the tooth is a sweet
fruit syrup. Aside from shape, not chemically unusual. Money entered: 5000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A glass perfume vial filled
with artificially flavored human sweat. Chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromones
and nutmeg flavoring. Essentially a mild aphrodisiac. No labeling. Money entered: 10000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Drinky Bird.” A tin can
with no pop-top, with a paper label of an ortolan drinking from a liquor bottle. Contained
a fattened ortolan drowned in brandy. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities. Money entered: 800 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A beeswax hexagonal prism
– like a ‘cell’ in a honeycomb – about 6 cm deep with edges about 3 cm – about the size
of a single-serving yogurt cup. The hexagonal surface was stamped with a bas relief of a
cartoon bee with Russian text translated to ‘Springtime Syrup’. Nutrition facts were on
the side. Contained puffed oats, each of which contained a small amount of fresh honey. Eaten
by the researcher, with a sample saved for later analysis. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A live, hairless, boneless
guinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed along the right side in English. Contains unusually
high levels of vitamins and minerals. Contains unknown nutritional supplement ‘Heliate’ with
no RDA. After killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove a limb for
consumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it contained
a green savory custard where its organs would be expected. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Stan-Fizz.” Standard-shaped
soda can. English text, Coca-Cola bottling company. Green and purple color scheme on
the logo, unknown substance ‘standis’ listed in the ingredients list, in the form of ‘Artificial
flavor of standis’. Presumably no actual standis in the beverage. Taste reminiscent of grape
soda and champagne. Money entered: 490 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Red plastic container labeled
HONOR DUEL. Package contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resembling
samurai, one black in coloration, the other red. Upon opening of the package, the “samurai”
stood and attacked each other. After a short battle, the black samurai decapitated the
red one, gave a cry of victory, and vanished. Subsequent analysis of the red samurai revealed
it to be made of rock candy, with a raspberry flavor. Item description: Two (2) Standard Triple-A
Batteries, emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols. Otherwise completely normal. Repeated test of ten trials, with interval
of 1 minute between attempts. Coins used were retrieved from a Coca-Cola brand vending machine
outside the [DATA EXPUNGED]. Money Entered For Each Vend: 65 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Items vended:
Tests 1-3: Cans of Coca-Cola, with varying Japanese labeling schemes. Contents are chemically
identical to current Coke formula. Test 4: Diet “Koke”. The other text on the
can is written in a pidgin language apparently derived from Chinese and Japanese.
Test 5: A can of “Coca-Cola Clear”. Label glows in the dark, and top of can has a holo-foil
advertisement for an unknown animated film. Test 6: Caramelized coca leaves. Very strong
aroma of mint. Class D who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild coca overdose, but no other
response. Test 7: Container shattered upon vending.
Appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. Bottle was fully sealed,
lacking lid or cap. Test 8: “Lemony and buttErific Dragon Delite!”.
An uncooked ear of yellow corn molded into the shape of a Chinese dragon. Microwaving
resulted in it “breathing” a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave,
causing a fire. Test 9: “Bottled lightning”. An apparently-empty
glass bottle that serves as a powerful Leyden jar. The class D who opened it experienced
a near-fatal electric shock upon opening. Subject reported “tasting” temperatures for
an hour thereafter. Test 10: A can of “Coa-Cola”. The class D
used to perform the analysis expired shortly after opening the can. Analysis indicates
that the beverage contained carbon monoxide, rather than carbon dioxide. Money entered: 1500 yen
Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “Snapple” – A seemingly
normal Granny Smith, with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stem. Further examination
revealed the center to be composed of solid tin. Money entered: 430 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Chūseishi Bēkon”, in
a plastic bag. Artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushed
between two heavy rocks. Bag contains approximately 50 bite-size objects which appear and smell
vaguely bacon-like. Upon one piece being fed to a D-Class, the
subject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed onto the floor. Examination of the
D-Class’s stomach contents revealed that his stomach had become extremely distended and
full (approximately 3.9 liters by volume) with cooked bacon. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Apparently a standard Hershey’s
brand chocolate bar, with the packaging text written backwards, as if reflected in a mirror.
The chirality of all amino acids and sugars in the chocolate bar is the opposite of that
of Earth-life organic compounds. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Dante’s”. 750g package
of biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. Packaging claims that contents “Taste
like Hell!” Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Small, empty plastic blue
package with a stylized drop of water. On the back were instructions written in German
and Dutch. The directions instructed the user to empty the package above a large bucket
containing one liter of water and stir. When the instructions were followed, an additional
0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket. Somewhat bitter. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A medium-sized bag of pretzel
bits shaped like gears, springs, rods, and other clockwork components. The package depicts
a smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a “Thumbs up” sign. The
food itself was salty and difficult to chew. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Small pill bottle with writing
on it in an unknown language. Package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting into
a squirming candy rat. Bottle contained ten (10) large pellets. One (1) pellet was given
to a lab rat and subsequently eaten. The lab rat then fell asleep, after which all of the
rat’s tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. Roughly ten
minutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to be able to function normally despite all of
its tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissues. D-class instructed to eat the
rat. Reported that the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance, the blood seemed
to be syrup, and bones were made of crystallized sugar. The taste of the candy was normal and
as expected, and no adverse effects were reported. Remaining pellets placed in storage for later
testing. Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Saint Patrick Snakeskin
Pie.” Product name is in English, the labels are in Irish Gaelic. Shrink-wrapped product
resembles a small mince pie. Dissection of product showed that the center of the pie
was filled with dried and salted snake meat of an unknown species. D-Class consumed product
and reported a taste similar to very tough chicken. Money entered: 555 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A tall pink soda can without
a label. Opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding, and inside
was a fizzy transparent liquid. D-Class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentally
spilled on a table and small round objects grew from the plastic. Analysis indicated
the objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians. Money entered: 1025 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Machine dispensed a cheap-looking
flashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. After an hour,
during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover its purpose, Dr. █████ accidentally
shone the flashlight on a nearby D-Class’ face while the red lens was attached. Subject
reported a vague taste of cherry. The other lenses were shown to cause tastes of orange,
banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. Testing revealed the flashlight and lenses to be ordinary
plastic. Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Glass bottle with cork stopper
and paper label. Text on label consists mostly of characters in the Armenian alphabet but
does not correspond to any identifiable words. Bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol,
45% eel blood (species unidentified), 25% water, with trace amounts of cedarwood resin
and lead. Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: White cellophane envelope.
Lettering on envelope reads “Aged meat product” in Gujarat language, phonetically transcribed
into Hebrew alphabet. Envelope contains rotten, maggot-infested meat (probably avian in origin). Money Entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Pull-tab aluminium can labeled
“BILLY BEER” and packaged in the same manner as novelty beer product produced by Falls
City Brewing Company in the United States in the late 1970s. Can labeling includes the
endorsement: “I had this beer brewed just for me. I think it’s the best I’ve ever tasted.
And I’ve tasted a lot. I think you’ll like it too. Billy Carter.” Can contains a liquid
that appears to be beer. Subject consumed some and reported symptoms of mild intoxication
for the following 72 hours. Money entered: 150 “B yen”, the military currency
used in US-occupied Okinawa from 1948-1958 SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce, identical to the same available
from the ████████ restaurant chain. Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A box 7cm on a side that,
when opened, played a badly-recorded song while a ballerina statue spun around on a
stand within the box. Both the ballerina and Money entered: 150 B yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A Caesar salad, no lettuce,
on an edible soy-based plate. Money entered: 5 Wadōkaichin (Japanese currency
dated to the 8th Century CE) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: One bowl of rice, cooked, no utensil.
Note: Contemporary to the time; the bowl was dated to the late first millennium, and chopsticks
were not yet commonly used among the poorer classes. SCP-261 appears to be treating the
coins at their original value. Money entered: 45 Wadōkaichin
SCP-261 Powered
or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A plate of higher quality
than the previous bowl, containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed of
rice. Money entered: Check (written in kana) for
1000 yen, of same dimensions as currency SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A 3 cm by 5 cm slip of cardboard. When on a human’s person, they will report
tasting milk chocolate until they are relieved of the cardboard. Money entered: A note, in English, reading
“I.O.U. 500 ¥” SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: An opened container of “Smartfood” brand white cheddar-flavored popcorn, manufactured
by Frito-Lay. Contains remnants of popcorn kernels and powdered cheddar cheese-flavored
substance, and a note, reading “I.O.U. 41 popcorn kernels”. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: 41 cheese-flavored popcorn
kernels, uncontained. Identical to those produced by “Smartfood” brand. Money entered: 0 yen (pushed “coin return”
button) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: A single “zero yen” coin deposited into change return slot. Coin is
pressed out of pot metal, reverse face depicts a smiling Ronald McDonald. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Styrofoam cup labelled “Tastee
Bird Spicy Lime Snack!!!” containing 2 oz of unknown powder. Instructions are to “fill
to line with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes”. Upon opening, package contained reconstituted,
de-calcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth with celery and cilantro and lime. Described
as “zesty, with an odd texture.” Nutritional information indicates it contains 300% daily
recommended sodium. Money entered: 0 yen (pushed “coin return”
button) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: Red aluminum can labelled simply “Stop That” in block letters, intermittent
buzzing heard from within can as if coming from a large, angry insect. Subject declined
to open container. Money entered: 666 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A plastic box of “Uncle
Nick’s” brand “Delicious Sunday Profani-snack”. Branding prominently featured a winking cartoon
devil as well as pentagrams, inverted crosses, and other occult symbols stereotypically associated
with satanism. All text other than the brand name and product name printed in vulgar Latin
in a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand-lettering. Back of box prominently featured
the slogan “Damnation guaranteed!”. Ingredients list included “unholy water” but was otherwise
consistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. Box contained thirteen pieces
of unleavened bread in the style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red wine
with a drinking nozzle. Subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling with
a taste reminiscent of very rare steak, and wine as excellent but slightly salty. Subject
was placed under observation, but no anomalous behaviour has been reported. Money entered: 0 yen, in the form of a single
“zero yen” coin as dispensed by SCP-261 in an earlier test
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Bag containing full meal
of burger, fries, onion rings, and large coke similar to that purchased from ████████, but
with all nutritional information and ingredients list censored. Bag given to D-class test subject.
Subject reports that meal had absolutely no flavour, a uniformly smooth and uninteresting
texture, and did not reduce her hunger at all. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered (power cord had been accidentally pulled out of wall
while cleaning up after previous experiment) Item description: One soft drink can, similar
in styling to diet cola, printed in a language later determined to be Denzongkha and to read
“SCREAMING [untranslatable] – OPEN CAN ENJOY SCREAMING MEAL”. Upon opening, can emitted
a painful shrieking noise estimated at 125-130dB for approximately fifteen seconds, during
which time subject managed to hold onto the can and reported it growing lighter. When
the noise ceased, both subjects present noted that they felt oddly sated, and did not need
to eat for the rest of the day. Money entered: 3000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Item dispensed was a small
tan box with the text “Tasty Fetus!” in dark green text. On the box below this text is
a picture of a smiling light orange colored fetus. There is more dark green text below
the picture that reads, “Now With Shorter Gestational Period!” The back of the box
features a three panel comic with three human characters (two females and one male) in a
domestic living room setting. In the first panel the female character on the right end
of the panel has a speech bubble over her head, reading, “Mom and Dad, I have something
to tell you…I’m pregnant.” The second panel shows the shocked faces of the parent
characters in the middle of the panel, with a speech bubble over ‘Dad’ reading, “I
can’t believe this! Young lady you are in so much trouble-” The daughter character
interrupts him and says, “No Dad, it’s just the new Tasty Fetus!™” The final
panel begins with the text “Four Weeks Later” and depicts the three characters laughing
and making ‘mmm’ noises while consuming an orange fetus-shaped gummy. The fetus is
still attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered Item description: At first, no object was
seen delivered from SCP-261; an investigation of the delivery tray did discover a tiny package
roughly 1cm square. Object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed the
packaging to be standard cellophane with the word “Nanosnax” on the front in English. The
remainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letters
corresponding to hexadecimal, though with no known relation to any language. Inside
the packaging was a small circular wafer; analysis revealed the wafer to be pure silicon.
Wafer and packaging have been retained for further research.
Note: Several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identified
as op-codes for the MOS Technology 6502 microprocessor; the remaining hexadecimal numbers have yet
to be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Power Status: Unpowered Item description: “Jelly Joybeans – Assorted
Emotions.” Packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in English. Contents are an assortment
of colored jelly beans. When consumed, subject is overcome with a specific emotional state
for 3 – 5 seconds. Initial testing revealed a correlation between bean color and the emotion
experienced; red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, green
is anger, and purple is jealousy. Analysis revealed several chemicals known to interfere
with human neurotransmitters as well as an accellerant. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “Colonel Frosty’s Mystical
Ice Bomb!” made by Kraft. Contained in a light blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm.
According to the label it was Pomegranate-Grapefruit flavored. Inside the box was a sphere the
size of a marble with a small button on the side. The object exuded a reddish-orange gas
similar to that of liquid nitrogen, however it felt room temperature to the touch. When
subject pressed the button on the side the sphere lighted up brightly before exploding
in a cloud of smoke that filled the room. After the smoke cleared it was apparent that
every surface in the entire room, all staff present, were coated in a reddish-orange frost.
The frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. All conventional means
of cleanup failed — the only successful method of removing the frost was through licking.
It took a total ██ staff members licking the break room and all staff present during
the explosion for an hour before it was clean. Money entered: 198 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A cellophane packet whose
label read “Powdered milk with extra spiders – just add water and stir!”; when the contents
of the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result was a glass of skim
milk containing 85 small live spiders. Money entered: 2000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Large unlabeled clear plastic
canister containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to those
used in tabletop gaming. Each numbered side produced a different flavor when tasted, with
each denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors. Taste tests performed on a
D-6 and a D-20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the latter
contained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candy. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Uncle Shifty’s Instant Booze
Tablets- A small, plastic tube containing five (5) white tablets resembling aspirin
tablets. Label on tube depicts a poorly groomed older man holding a flask in his right hand
and giving a ‘thumbs up’ with his left. Discovered that when a tablet is placed in water, it
begins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalent
in 5% alcohol content beer. Remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A 12-oz aluminum soda can
labeled “Yukio Tanaka’s Exquisite Ginger Drinking Vinegar” in English. Additional packaging
in Basque. Packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavoured
vinegar beverage. Testing of the can’s contents revealed the liquid to be 12M hydrofluoric
acid. Money entered: 314 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Two geppei mooncakes with
peanut filling, one round and one square, in a transparent package. Further examination
revealed that bottoms of both mooncakes have equal areas. Name: Researcher ████████, under
direction of Dr. ████████ Date: 2012-██-██ Money entered: 1000 1-yen coins
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: 5ml round-bottom flask with
short neck, capped with rubber stopper, partially filled with grains of a white crystalline
solid. Item included a round pair of translucent-purple, plastic forceps wrapped around the spherical
body of the flask, kept in place by a plastic wrapper. Packaging labeled in Japanese, translated
as “Ball of Boredom”, with English instructions that read as follows, “This is a package
for best results using forceps. One, alone can enjoy the best” [sic]. D-20883 instructed
to open the container and count the contents using tools included. D-20883 verbally expressed
their incredulity at the tedium of the task but complied, counting one thousand (1000)
grains of the solid. D-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a time
and describe the flavor. Each of the 1000 grains was invariably described by D-20883
as “salty” or some variation thereof, despite requests for more detailed descriptions.
When provided with water following the experiment, D-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted “salty”.
Subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food or drink, regardless of composition,
until their termination. All experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds but only
traces of ordinary table salt were found. Comment: Well, that was boring. – Researcher A███████ Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One (1) bag of “Doritos
Atomic”. Bag given to a D-Class after testing failed to show any form of radiation. Upon
consumption, the D-Class displayed began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy food
and being burnt alive. Reaction lasted for a minute until the subject passed out of dehydration
and extreme pain. Later interview revealed that the D-Class was under the sensation that
he “was being dunked in burning gasoline” Remaining chips were revealed to contain juice
from the Naga Bhut Jolokia (ghost pepper), as well as several unknown compounds presumed
to be responsible for the D-Class feeling the external burning sensation. Comment: I’m requesting one of these chips
to see how bodily submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. -Dr.
Slav Money entered: 307 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One (1) vacuum-sealed “bargain
bag” containing twelve (12) rolls of “Papaya Shaving Lozenges”, with each roll containing
12 lozenges. Rolls are labeled “not for individual resale” and “health warning: do not consume
more than one Papaya Shaving Lozenge in a 6-hour period; pregnant or nursing women should
not consume Papaya Shaving Lozenges” in English, Hungarian, and Malagasy. Upon consumption
of a lozenge, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair; hair subsequently
regrew at normal rate. Upon consumption of two lozenges at once, D-class personnel immediately
lost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and loss of hearing. Nosebleeds
ceased after two hours; hearing had 50% returned by time of termination. Scalp hair was unaffected. Money entered: 1999 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One (1) rectangular can
of “Instant Party” depicting the face of American singer Prince above the words “Let’s get this
party started!”. Can was opened with a key glued to the side of the can. Upon opening,
the song “1999” was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with that
of a nightclub. D-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. Effect persisted for
3 hours, after which time the can became inert. Money entered: 1200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: One (1) bottle of “Mr. Mercer’s
amazing condiment”. Bottle found to contain 2 oz of orange paste. When applied to any
object, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. This was seen to work on all objects
it was tested on, including wood, stone, sand, and rotten meat. However, it does not change
the composition of the object it is applied to. Bottle sent to lab for testing. Money entered: 1 Keichō era Koban (the gold
currency during the Tokugawa period.) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice, in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261’s
slot. Cleanup required 3 researchers and thirty-three (33) 20 pound rice bags. Rice grains reportedly
looked “Like someone had picked them out of the mud”. D-class personnel reported no unusual
effects upon consumption. Money entered: 1 Man’en era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: 280 cups of uncooked rice,
in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261’s slot. Cleanup required 1 researcher and six
(6) 20 pound rice bags. Rice reported to still look “dingey”. D-class personnel reported
no unusual effects upon consumption. Money entered: 1 Hōei era Koban
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: One (1) Packet of “手招き肉”
(Beckoning meat) containing six slabs of cooked meat from the Felis Catus. Specifically, the
Japanese Bobtail. An illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat being
spit-roasted. D-class was initially reluctant to consume object, but was persuaded after
4 minutes by researchers. Upon consumption, D-class personnel reportedly felt “lucky”.
No other effects noted. Money entered: 7000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: The hoof of a cow, wrapped
in loose cellophane, entered the receptacle, but could not be removed due to size. The
item seemed to be attached to a full animal inside SCP-261, and struggling sounds were
heard from SCP-261. Upon attempts to open SCP-261, the sound of tearing flesh could
be heard, the hoof severed and fell out of the receptacle, and the machine was found
to be empty. Analysis reports that the hoof belonged to a regular Bos primigenius. Notably
contained cream filling in place of bone marrow. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One medium-sized cellophane
bag with no markings. Bag contained approximately sixty thin strips of lightly seasoned jerky.
D-class personnel likened the taste to typical teriyaki-flavored jerky, but reported a stinging
sensation in right cheek after swallowing. Subject collapsed after approximately 140
seconds and died immediately afterward. Further examination revealed the jerky to be made
of jellyfish, specifically the Box Jellyfish species. Money entered: 700 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: One small box of “Nips”.
Box labeling and description almost identical to the Nestle brand of caramel candies under
the same name. Notable differences include candy. Heads on the dispensers were modeled
after those of former American president Bill Clinton, former White House intern Monica
Lewinsky, former independent prosecutor Ken Starr, and former Lewinsky confidante Linda
Tripp. Candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Dr. College’s EasyRam”:
A small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical “mad scientist” on the top. Packaging in American
English. Instructions to add water and heat in microwave for 60 seconds. Result is ramen
noodles in what appears to be a low-quality cheese sauce. Analysis revealed nutritional
content to be identical to exactly one third of daily requirements for an average postpubescent
male, with large amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids. Money entered: 100 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “Edimas”: An edible miniature
Clyster syringe with image of a smiling Asian child. Instructions in American English describing
how to administer an enema with said product. Upon testing, was found to not only function
as an enema, but also administers a nutrient supplement to the colonal walls. Sent to lab
for testing. Money entered: Precisely half of a 100 yen
coin SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: The top half of a standard 354ml (12oz) Coca-Cola can. Can confirmed
to be empty. Upon being opened, approximately 177ml (6oz) of liquid, later confirmed to
be Coca-Cola, fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on the foot of the
D-Class personnel conducting the test. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “ALTROIDS” – container which
appeared to be a typical “Altoids” container, approximately 9.5 cm in length, 6 cm in width,
and 2 cm in height. D-Class consumed one “mint” from container, resulting in muscle growth
which increased muscle mass 1.5 times. Subject terminated in prevention of more muscle growth.
“Mints” confirmed to contain steroids, as well as an unidentified chemical, though the
ingredient list was identical to that of a normal Altoids container. Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed
drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of string (cotton). After the coin
was inserted, string was pulled in an effort to pull the coin out. The string broke or
became untied at the knot and the coin was accepted as usual.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Juicy Juice: Mountain berry
– A single(1) juicebox of the popular children’s brand fruit juice. Luke warm. Labels and ingredients
were in English and Tests indicated the juice and box were unanomalous, but expired by three
weeks and 4 days. Upon consumption, subject indicated that the juice “tasted funny.” Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed
drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon,
polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin
was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Chip Ahoy” brand cookies
in a standard blue wrapper with four (4) standard sized chocolate chip cookies. Text on the
package written in outdated Sanskrit. Cookies appeared ordinary. Edible. Subject voiced
a dislike over this particular brand of cookie, but otherwise stated they were fine. Moments
after completing the last cookie, subject immediately vomited a chunky brown paste.
Tests shown the exact volume and ingredients to be equal to that of the 4 cookies, though
it could not be determined what made the subject sick. Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed
drilled into the edge and tied to one(1) meter length of monofilament fishing line (nylon,
polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin
was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Shmoothie!: Chocolate Watermelon”.
32oz. Clear plastic squeeze bottle, label and ingredients in English, except with punctuation
at the start of the sentence. Possible marketing gimmick. Label included a stenciled picture
of a watermelon with chocolate syrup on it. Thick light-brown liquid inside appeared similar
in texture to a melted chocolate milkshake. Testings proved edible. Subject stated flavour
was like a “Jolly Rancher” brand hardcandy dissolved in milk, and gagged after each sip.
Upon completion of the bottle, Subject was asked to describe his condition. Subject sat
quiet in a ponderous state for 8 seconds before violently vomiting a frothy fluid onto the
testing area. Clean up was able to collect 31.53oz of the fluid, as .47oz had absorbed
in the subjects clothes (Confiscated). Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a holed
drilled into the edge and tied to one (1) meter length of monofilament fishing line
(nylon, polyvinylidene fluoride (PVDF), polyethylene, Dacron and Dyneema (UHMWPE)). After the coin
was inserted, string was pulled and coin successfully removed from the coin slot.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: “Nong Shim Udon Premium
Noodle Soup” dried noodles in a plastic bowl. Edible. No utensils included. Package seems
ordinary. Text is written in both English and Japanese. While boiling water in poured
onto the noodles, as per the directions, subject comments that he enjoys this brand of noodles.
When questioned on his condition after 5 bites, Subjects states “Probably not the best I’ve
has ever had but for a packaged udon, it’s pretty damn good.” When finished, the subject
immediately vomited partially digested noodles and broth onto the testing area. Again, tests
revealed nothing that should cause such a reaction. Money entered: 42 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: Dr. ████████████ pressed
all the buttons at the same time. SCP-261 proceeded to make loud noises and shake violently
for 5 seconds before dispensing a piece of paper 9×6 cm. On one side it had the words
“Meal Voucher” while on the reverse side it says “We Apologize For The Inconvenience.” Money entered: 777 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: SCP-261 made noises like
a slot machine before dispensing exactly 777 chocolate coins. Money entered: 13 Yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A small box of cereal labeled
“UnLucky Charms” with no marshmallows. D-class reported them to taste very stale. It was
discovered that it expired several years ago. Money entered: 17 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A standard Nintendo “Game
Boy” portable gaming system with the game “Tetris” already inserted. Staff reported
a “extremely strong taste of blue raspberry in their mouths” while playing. Money entered: 755 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A bright yellow glass bottle
with a black label. “Thunder Bar” was written in a variation of Czech on it, and under it
read “warning, not for consumption by individuals under the age of 48” in thick black letters.
Inside was a red, somewhat viscous liquid. When opened by a class D personnel, who was
52, the bottle emitted a massive thunder clap measuring 140 dB, scaring and almost deafening
her. When the liquid inside was drunk, the subject noted a raspberry taste before falling
to the ground unconscious. Later tests confirm that the subject lost consciousness due to
a massive amount of alcohol spontaneously entering her system. It is unknown how the
alcohol entered her system, as the bottle resealed itself after subject lost consciousness.
Another test was conducted with a subject who was 34 years old. Upon opening the bottle,
the subject was vaporized when the thunder clap was emitted. No further tests were administered. Money entered: 100 yen, and an additional
100 yen after punching in the numbers ‘100’ into the machine.
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: The machine made no noise
for about 5 seconds, and then spat 200 yen out of the coin return. A sticky note also
came out of the machine, attached to a small yet smooth rock weighing about 1.5 kg. The
sticky note read “Make up your mind!”, with an angry face drawn directly below this, all
written with what seems to be permanent black marker. Money entered: One 500 yen coin with a hole
drilled into it, with thick yarn tied through the hole; small amount of duct tape added
over hole to ensure coin would not be lost. After inserting, string was pulled and coin
was successfully retrieved. SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: The machine hesitated for for roughly 5 seconds, then dropped a live
grenade. The grenade detonated approximately 2 seconds after hitting the ground. ██ killed,
about ██ injured, an additional 4 receiving minor injuries. The grenade left a crater
about two meters wide in diameter and about 18 cm deep. Interestingly, the machine itself
was completely untouched. Repairs to lobby took █ days to complete. Name: Researcher ██████████ Money entered: 600 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Candy Commandos- A small
two-compartment plastic bag, weighting 400 grams. Packaging in English, Italian and French.
Once opened, revealed to contain green and yellow toy soldiers, similar to plastic army
men. Once the differently colored soldiers came in contact with each other, both sides
began mock firing their weapons for approximately 2 minutes. After that, miniatures stopped
moving. Reported taste was of peppermint. Money entered: 1000 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: One (1) 30 gram tube containing
several small, white pellets. Packaging in unknown language. Packaging contained a small
image of a pellet being placed in a cup of water. Once such was done, the water quickly
thickened, becoming a pudding of sorts. Edible, but taste said to be “Horrible, like it was
rotten.” Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: “Crmels [sic]” Resealable
tin containing caramel candies. Chemical analysis revealed several unknown components. The subject
assigned to consume the caramels began spluttering and fainted after ██ minutes. One hour
later, subject woke up lacking a tongue and teeth. Testing halted for the day. Note: I am beginning to wonder how repeated
usages increase the anomalous content. Perhaps we’re “tiring it out”, so to say? -Junior Researcher ██████ Money entered: 110 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: A single plain doughnut
on a paper-plate. Doughnut was of average size and average weight. Was reported as delicious
upon consumption. Testing concluded for the day.
Note: I find it odd that the minute Junior Researcher ██████ suggests we
are tiring it out, SCP-261 starts dishing out “normal” items again. I can’t be the only
one to notice this. – Dr. ████████ Money entered: 1 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: 1 paper thin mint, described
as low quality. Money entered: 10 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A mint precisely 10 times
thicker than previous test, described as tasting like a citrus but D-15832 could not recognise
it. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: 500ml bottle of Pocari Sweat.
Japanese packaging. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Chocolate Twinkies. Appear
similar to regular golden cake Twinkies, but made with chocolate cake instead. Not consumed
and available for inspection at Junior Researcher Fullsail’s desk. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Butterfinger BB’s, Mystery
Flavor. English packaging. Product resembles Butterfinger BB’s, discontinued in 2006. The
product consists of small balls of crisp, flaky peanut butter flavored confectionery
coated in differently colored and flavored chocolate-based shells. Milk, dark, white,
strawberry, orange, mint, and wasabi flavored coatings were noted. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: LanuGoGoGo! brand candy
hair, raspberry flavor. The package, depicted in English, showed happy children growing
full handlebar mustaches of bright neon colors. Inside the package were five individually
wrapped tablets. Subject opened one wrapper and consumed the tablet, noting that it had
a chalky, fibrous taste and texture, similar to dry oat bran. Five minutes and 14 seconds
after consumption, subject started growing magenta fibers of a sugary consistency from
her upper lip, at a rate of approximately 1 cm every 2 seconds. Mustache stopped growing
after 73 seconds. The mustache could be easily and harmlessly broken off the subject, and
consumed. The mustache fibers melted into sugar in the subject’s mouth and tasted strongly
sweet and of artificial raspberry. Subject noted a feeling of “being a kid again” after
consuming her mustache. Money entered: 200 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Shakespeare’s Scrumptious
Sonnets, Blackthorn Flavour. An envelope containing four sheets of vellum, each (supposedly) with
one of Shakespeare’s sonnets handwritten on them in a Prunus spinosa-based ink. The sonnets
written were #34, #77, #121 (although noted as #145) and an unrecognized sonnet noted
to be Sonnet #219. Note that Shakespeare was known only to have written 154 sonnets. When
a sonnet is read aloud, all individuals within earshot reported sensing a tart flavor similar
to damson plum. Upon a second reading, listening to the same sonnet had no anomalous effect.
All sonnets appear to only deliver the flavor sensation once. The vellum, when consumed,
is dry and flavorless. Money entered: 1500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered Item description: Colonel Crone’s Confession
CandyTM Assorted Flavours, labeling in UK English, orange box 5cm x 6cm x 6cm, containing
16 hard candies. Each candy is wrapped in a label describing the candy’s flavor. Flavors
include mint, lemon, grape, green apple, blue raspberry, banana, tutti frutti,,
and maple. Space between candies filled with multicolored tissue paper. Upon consumption
of candy, subject will involuntarily divulge secrets about themselves any time communication
of any form is attempted. Longer exposure to candy will result in subject revealing
deeper secrets. Test determines no differences from typical hard candy of similar flavoring.
Note: Well, guess everyone knows now, no point was because of SCP-261.” I’m rambling again,
aren’t I? Y’know, I’ve had probl.. [REDACTED in hiding who I am. But hey that’s that’s
a nice story. “How’d you come out?” “Oh it FOR BREVITY]
-Junior Researcher Andrew Gatling Money entered: 666 yen (500 Yen, 100 Yen,
50 Yen, 10 Yen, 5 Yen, 1 Yen) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered
Item description: 2 oz bottle labeled “Soylent Yellow Energy Drink” in Russian. Contents
similar to common energy drinks with the exception the water was replaced by a high vitamin liquid.
Taste described as “revolting.” Subject noted to be at fully awake for 48 hours without
obvious signs of fatigue. Money entered: 666 yen (500 Yen, 100 Yen,
50 Yen, 10 Yen, 5 Yen, 1 Yen) SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered
Item description: 2 oz bottle labeled “Crystal Soylent Energy Drink” in Russian. Contents
similar to common energy drinks with the exception the water was replaced by an unknown solution
with the approximate viscosity of cooking oil. Taste described as “refreshing.” Subject
noted to be at fully awake for 1 hour 28 minutes before screaming and expiring. Internal organs
appear to have broken down and liquefied. Bones transformed into some type of crystal
translucent substance (analysis pending). Item description: A predominately red plastic
3.5 oz bag labeled “Birthday Monkey’s Ring-Ding Rainbow Drops!”, printed in English, with
a caricature of what appears to be SCP-983 depicted to the right. “Eight exciting flavors!
Make sure to try our ‘Mystery White’ flavor last!” is printed on the bag’s opposite side
in modern French, English, and German. Packaging revealed to contain a total of eight (8) individually-colored
confections. Subject instructed to eat all flavors, save for “Dark Liquorice”—a purely
black gumdrop, described by Dr. I████ (who had been involved in testing for SCP-983)
as “extremely dangerous”. Subject proceeded as instructed, noting that, despite disliking
gumdrops, these in particular were “decent, for what they [were]”. On-site researchers
noted that subject’s hair had developed grey streaks upon consuming all but “Mystery White”
and “Dark Liquorice” flavors. This effect was erased after consumption of “Mystery White”
flavor, described by the subject as “definitely the best one”. “Dark Liquorice” variant contained
and stored with sample originated from SCP-983 itself. Money entered: 500 yen
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered Item description: A 2 oz cardboard box of
“Loony Lionel’s Wound-Lickers”, printed in stylized English lettering. Printed left of
the label is a cartoon lion licking a blue variant of the candy inside, applied to its
left paw. “Just stick ’em on and lick ’em off, Lion-style!” is also printed underneath
the labelling. Box contains twenty four (24) circular, multicolored candy bandages. Subject
applied one bandage to a small cut on her hand, despite expressing how “stupid” she
felt doing so. Upon licking the orange bandage off, subject’s wound appeared to be completely
healed. Remainder of samples collected for further testing.

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  1. Ļ͉͚̜̕͠ ҉͏͔̱͕͙̼̭͖͚͢O̝͚̮͚͚̜̕͞ ̜͕̳͡N͏̤͈̭̬̯̬̤̼ ̸̙͜G̣̥̝̯͖͎̺͢ ̛͔̖͎̘̖ ̸̖̫͔͝L͠͝͏͙͙̱ ̵̬͔I̙̹̱̳̪̼͈̯͚ ̳͍̘̯̲̬͔̼͍V̨̞̼ ̡͖̠͉͟E̶̙̣̪̥̜͙̠̰͠ ̷̬̥̜͇͡ͅ ̵͚͎̪T̷̲̝̻̘̹̙͖̖ ̨̹͚̮̮̳͜H̸̜̠̮̙̝͠ ̰͍̳̙̘̫͉͝E̸͚͉̤̠̰̯͎̱̕ ̴̟͔̱͉͎̺̝ ̸̵̠͎̙̙̝͍̹͡ͅK̡̤̮̮ ̡͈̞̮̟̮ͅI̠̣̥̺͙̙͝ ̵̻̯̦̤̮̝͠͠ͅN̗̤̝ ̷͈̫Ģ͚̞̪͢ͅ

  2. So unless the device had an intelligent designer the counterfeit coin experiment proves some level of intelligence. Is it possible that this machine is just f**** with them and that's why there's no pattern except when Johnny Appleseed tries to use it?

  3. The kernel frostys mystical ice bomb sounds funny, just imagine tons of researchers and d class licking people faces or walls XD

  4. One ought to collect the dna from everything it dispenses and see if it takes requests.i mean clone some extinct species ask for some nukacola quantum. ask if it wants to have it lottery winnings and more importantly no more anti mater. WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH THAT?

  5. To be honest I would attach a security room to the break room and lock this in it. Add a security checkpoint and allow people to use it, The containment simply being to check the product dispensed, if it is safe to eat, let them keep it if not, confiscate and refund. This SCP seems like it would be great for morale.

  6. I can think of only to cartoon cariktors this reminds me of rick from rick and morty and hekapoo from svtfoe Adendum I'm surprised no won menthend hekapoo from star vs the forses of evil making interdimentimal sizers is kind of her thing if you saw the show you'll know what I'm saying

  7. There is an entry in SCP-261 that is not in this video after "Lemon clams".

    "Diet Ghost" – A can containing an instance of SCP-2107. Packaging was in English. Testing done on this instance provided similar results to other contained instances of SCP-2107. This marks the first time SCP-261 has vended another SCP object.

    …….*`'*

  8. Lets be honest guys, the doctor commenting about the boob shaped container was probably doctor bright

  9. I did a full double take when it got to the "heart shaped locket that was made out of chocolate" since it's a reference to Undertale.

  10. Gotta love the "human testing first!" mentality of the Foundation. Have some d-class or junior researcher eat the "flesh" flavored, nipple-shaped, "Nips" then analyze what they're made of! 🙂

  11. 8f I could have him I have every thing I want why cause you open it take the money then reuse them and this how you have on limitide

  12. xem thêm bài viết Tìm kiếm chuỗi trong nhiều files tệp tin với Windows Grep tại đây: https://www.hoangweb.com/cong-cu/tim-kiem-chuoi-trong-nhieu-files-tep-tin-voi-windows-grep. gnome is not working please help

  13. What would be a food from this world that would be weird as hell to another world with this SCP? I was thinking Kalamari bites, some kind of Puffer fish, or maybe even shrooms lol.

  14. Believe it or not, some of these are closer to reality than you would expect. You may not be able to buy clams, however there does exist a live oyster machine and a live crab vending machine
    https://www.eater.com/2017/8/4/16095558/oyster-vending-machine
    https://www.theatlantic.com/china/archive/2013/09/chinas-newest-innovation-live-crab-vending-machines/279650/

  15. I found out why the guy who did the coin trick kept vomiting, because he kept pulling out the coin, the machine would basically do the same but with his food.

  16. Licking the break room clean 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG I died

  17. I think that when they’re making an episode of Rick & Morty they just read some SCPs entries, smoke a joint and then proceed with writing the episode

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