“Dating” is the human courtship ritual whereby individuals in the species try to adequately determine a sexual partner. Although a natural process, it’s something that’s been pondered by the brightest minds since the beginning of time. Isaac Newton, one of the greatest mathematicians of the 17th century, yet a virgin ’til the day he died, once proclaimed, “Seducing a woman is like the cotangent function; no matter how close I get, I can never quite touch the pi.” And it wouldn’t be until the early 20th century that the the mystery was finally solved when German theoretical physicist Werner “Head Turner” Heinsenberg…er suggested that while success itself cannot be predicted, the optimal time of approach could be modeled with his equation, known as the Male Attractiveness Net Uncertainty Principle, which is shown here As for the corresponding variables, A is how attractive you are on a scale of 1 to 10 B is how drunk you are on a scale of 1 to 10 c is obviously just the speed of light, and then the D is just in inches. So lastly, you wanna multiply by H2O when L goes to S, which is just the freezing point of water, and you get how long you should wait before talking to the girl that you like. In modern times, dating hasn’t changed much. It’s still two people in a neutral, inoffensive location doing something neither person wants to do while trying to mask their own degenerating self doubts. And for first impressions, it really doesn’t matter how much the other person has right, it’s how much they have wrong. You can go on a date with someone who has the perfect face, a great sense of humor, plays sports, awesome personality, apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, but there are no perfect 10’s. They’re a scientologist. And based on the Bernoulli Booty Principle, as the number of positive qualities in a person increases, the possibility of that person being a scientologist or hairdresser exponentially approaches infinity. With all that said, you still might be looking for the fastest way to a girl’s heart, and nobody knows more about dating than YouTube’s 2015 sexiest hands alive: You Suck At Cooking. When I think of dating, I think of romance, and when I think of romance, I think of strawberries. It’s been said that they teach us about vulnerability because they carry their seeds on the outside, which is just like me, because on a first date, I bring a complete list of my insecurities, so that way, we can start by having zero secrets. This allows us to get as close as possible, as quickly as possible, as forever as possible. And much like the strawberry, I also wear my sunflower seed headband, which not only shows my ability to be vulnerable, but also keeps the enormous amount of nervous first date sweat from drenching my face, body, and moustache. So, those were some really good tips, but, let’s say you aren’t a sex god, and you wanna know some practical advice. And, I don’t mean to brag, but one time I went on a date … So, I would say the worst thing to do is be straight-forward and honest about how you feel towards the other person. Like, if you’re going to ask them out, don’t say, “Hey, I think you’re really cute. Do you wanna get a drink with me sometime?” I think a much better approach is to, sort of, do them small favors, and then slowly befriend them over the course of the next few years, and then when she develops feelings for someone else, just hope that it doesn’t work out, and then she’ll see that you’re the one that she actually liked the whole time. So, yeah. Just common sense, really. So, I just wanted to say thanks for watching, and a big thank you to You Suck At Cooking for helping out on this one. Uh, I think his videos are great, so really go check out his channel. But, check out mine first.