We always finish
each other’s– Sandwiches. Let’s talk about that.( music playing )Good Mythical morning. On today’s episode, we’re going under
the sequined shirts on Etsy and playing a game
about the craziest bras
we find there. Yes, but first we wanna see
how fast food sub sandwiches stack up against each other. It’s time for… That’s right. We are about top find out
which sandwich chains make the best subs, and each sandwich
that we are going to sample will have ham, turkey,
roast beef, lettuce, tomato–
for yours but not for mine– onions, mayo, cheese,
oil, and vinegar. Yes, we will taste
and rate the sandwiches on a scale from one to ten
to see who makes the best sub, but we’re also competing
to see who can identify
where the subs came from so one of us can be
crowned the Sub King. The subs that we are going
to be sandwiching today are… – Which?
– Which Wich. Let’s do some eatin’. As you can see, we can’t. All our subs are going
to be brought to us on the patent-pending
Sub Sub. Let’s see it.
Bring in the first sub
on the Sub Sub. Now, just to clarify,
you can’t see it. No, I can’t see it. It has been determined that we can use our hands
because they’re worried that we won’t be able to get
an accurate bite if we don’t
use our hands for it. Oh. Don’t use your hands
to feel. – I’m not feeling. No feeling.
– Use your hands… I’m doing it without feeling.
Now, that’s a fake sub. – Oh, yeah.
– That’s plastic.
I’m sure of it. That is real.
That’s real. I’m not feeling the sub.
I’m just holding it. – Rhett: Oh, gosh.
– Link: Mm-hm. I’m not feeling the sub
at all. Are you f–
is he feeling the sub? No, no, no. Don’t cheat, man. They can see you cheating. Just because I can’t. Okay, this is a decent sub, yo. I don’t know, man. Lots of bread on this sub. I feel like the subs are
gonna blend together. I really feel that way. Even though I did caress it
quite a bit. I feel like there wasn’t
anything that wowed me
about that sub. Being that it’s the first one,
when I’m trying to judge it
on a scale of one to ten– We always just give it
a five to start with. Five may become the new ten, but for now,
I’m gonna give
this sub a five. Um, it just was
so average to me. – It was average.
– It was so average, so I’m just gonna assume
that it is average and give it a five. – Yeah.
– Does that make sense? And I have no clue
where the sub came from. It could be
from any of them. It could be from Blimpie,
which is not even a choice. No, it couldn’t be. Stevie:You guys wanna try
and guess now?– Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
– Yeah.Okay, here we go.Three, two, one…– Which Wich.
– Jimmy John’s. I don’t know about
the Jimmy John ‘wich. All right,
bring in the second sub. I’d like chips
between my sub bites ’cause I like to eat
a little sub
and a little chip. Is this the bot–
What? Is this the–
Where’s the– I don’t even understand
this one. ( muffled mumble ) ( grunts ) That’s a better sub. That is a better sub. It’s a juicy sub.
on my arm. That is a–
that is a good sub. That is a good sub
right there. Never leave off the oil
and vinegar from a sub. It always makes it better. Do I have any
on my face? – No, you’re good.
– ( laughter ) – Uh…
– This is just so much better than the last sub I tasted. It was just better in every way. Proportionally,
the bread was better. The bread was better. The bread was a little bit
hard on the outside, soft on the inside. – Eight?
– I’m giving– I was gonna say eight. I’m not just trying
to copy you. I was also going
to say eight. – I recommend copying me,
by the way.
– Okay. ( together )
But where is it from? ( both fake chuckling ) Okay, I got a guess.Okay? Three, two, one…Jersey Mike’s? I wasn’t ready. There was a whole count
and everything. – Jersey Mike’s.
– ( laughter ) It is Jersey Mike’s.
I’m sure of it. – Really?
– I think it’s the best. They’re so good. I know that Jersey Mike’s
is good. That’s why I said it. Sub it up. ( pops lips ) ( sighs ) ( sniffing ) I’m gonna start
smelling them. I think that would
give me something. – Actually…
– That’s a good smeller. I think it might- I think it
might give me something. Oh, yeah. That was a flatter sub. Oh– I think
I got too much. This sandwich artist went light on the mayo and everything, really, except the meat. – So I’m trying to–
– It’s not a bad sub. It’s not as good
as the previous sub. Yeah, they just– they weren’t
as generous with the toppings, whoever made
this one, so… I don’t wanna judge it
by that. I don’t wanna judge it
necessarily by proportions because I feel like
that varies from location. I wanna– I’m trying to
just go with the quality
of the ingredients. We have to rank it first,
and I think it good,
not great, Six. Um, yeah, I did not
think that was– yeah, I agree
that it should be a six. Wow, we’re just agreeing.
This is no fun. There should be just one
person in this show. I’m not gonna agree
with my guess. I’m not gonna agree
with you on my guess. – Okay.
–Oh.Three, two, one…– Subway.
– Firehose. Firehouse. “Firehose”
is not an option! – Firehouse.
– Automatic X. Back ‘er in. You know, I just don’t
really like subs. You don’t like subs? I’m just remembering
why I haven’t even one
in, like, a decade. I think a good sub
is great because– I like a toasted sub. …it’s an excuse
to eat chips. I like a hot–
a hot sub. – Oh, yeah.
– This is different. Now we’re
in a magical zone. – Mm.
– I need more of that. This is distinctly different. The bread
is more shell-like. – Oh…
– It’s still jam-packed full
of nice flavors. Man. This is gonna bring you
back on the sub train. That’s not bad for a sub. I this this is a sub…
period. I think this is a sub
I have not tasted before. Do you like it?
What would you give it
on a one to ten? – It is better-
– I’m giving it a seven. Gah, I was gonna give it
a seven, man! Frickin’… We don’t need two of us. I was gonna give it a seven because it’s not as good
as the one that was an eight but it’s better
than the previous one,
so that leaves me with a seven. – Uh…
– Bring it in so I can smell it. I don’t believe I’ve ever
even been into this place. and those Vine ads didn’t work for me,
didn’t help me get in there, you know, when King Batch
did that integration
with this company. You’re on your own.Link, you ready?Mm. Okay, I’m ready.Okay. Three, two, one…– Rhett: Jimmy John’s.
– Link: Which Wich. I said the Which Wich. – I haven’t had that one either.
– Me neither. Bring it in. What do you think
the original intent of designing a sandwich
in this way was? I like to think
it was because they needed to get it
through a hole – to feed to somebody.
– Yeah, and mouths used to be that big. Like, mouths have gotten
smaller over time. There used to be subs,
they go ( grunts ), just put it
right in there. That’s true.
Oh, oh. Hm, dif– This one’s tall. Uh-oh… Now, this brings back
memories of– That’s a good sub. Like a good sub
at a pizza joint. Mm, that’s a good sub. Remember Lil Dino’s? – Lil Dino’s! Yes!
– Back in Buies Creek? Doesn’t it taste like
Lil Dino’s? Did you ever meet Dino? No, he was too small. – Look right over him
– This is a very good sub. Man, that’s a good sub.
I’m giving this an eight. I don’t even
wanna overthink it. For me, it ties with the one that
I thought was great. But it was a lot smaller, just like Lil Dino. I’m gonna–
you know what? I’m giving this a nine! – Uh-oh.
– I am so happy right now. A sub has never
made me this happy, but I do not know
where it’s from. I have a guess. I have a guess because I–
of the oregano. – I’m ready.
–Okay.Three, two, one…– ( together ) Quiznos.
– We agree? Yeah, that’s gotta be
Quiznos, man. It’s Quiznos. Because it feels
somewhat nostalgic, and it’s been, like, 13 years
since I’ve been to a Quiznos. I didn’t think
I liked Quiznos. – Last sub.
– Gimme, gimme, gimme. Take a little sniff. Well, that’s
what I was expecting. Smells like a sub. What’s it taste like? It smells so different,
though. Oh, it’s tall, too. I think I’m licking
that plastic. I don’t know how the sub
under there works, but… Good gracious, that’s tall. – Aah!
– Hold on a second. That’s a good sub,
too, man. It took me a while
to get it in my mouth. Man, that is a good sub. It was hard and soft
at the same time. The bread has a sweetness.
Am I right? You’re right.
You’re not wrong. I don’t like that. You don’t like it. I do not like the sweetness
of the bread. The sweetness of the bread.
Like, I like– I just like the proportions. I like the way it–
the mouth feel of a sub. Not something I thought
I would ever say, but I like it. I like the way that it had
ingredients poking out the side, like, showing off
a little bit. – You know what I’m saying?
– Oh, did it? Meat hit my mouth first.
I don’t know about you, but… Bread hit my mouth first. What happened? What did you do wrong? Had to dig deeper. – Uh, golly.
– Uh, man. I don’t know if it’s better
than what I just had, though. I am not impressed
by this sub. I don’t know.
Maybe… – I don’t know–
– I’m giving this a– It’s hard to judge a sub
on one bite. I’m giving it an eight
as well. Whoo!
You’re giving it an eight? – Uh-huh.
– I don’t know. I didn’t think
it was bad. I’ll give it a seven. Where is it from? This is not a familiar
territory for me, this sub. Yeah, that’s why
I gotta guess to a place
that I’ve never been.Okay, three, two, one…– Firehouse!
– Jimmy John’s. I said Firehouse! He guessed Fire–
so we’re gonna remove
the blinds ’cause we’re done with
the guessing and eating phase. Oh, my gosh,
I can’t see anything. Stevie, uh… It’s so bright here.
Why is it so bright? – Tell us where we stand.
–I’m gonna give youyour scores first,
and then I’m gonna revealwhat you thought
was the best sub.– Link: Okay.
– Rhett: Okay.Rhett, you got three correct.– Ho ho ho!
– Dang, you lucky. If you beat that, boy,
you deserve every bit
of the Sub King. I do not believe I came…
close to that.Link, you got zero correct.Zero, man.
You really ran away
with this one. So that means… I’m gonna be the Sub King. …that you have been
crowned Sub King. Congratulations, Rhett.
The big question is, what did we rate
as the best sub ever?Okay, so your number two
best subwas the Which Wich sub.– Really?
–But your number one subwas Jersey Mike’s.Yes! Jersey Mike’s is a good sub, even though I didn’t know
which one it was, obviously. – Yeah.
– Whoo! Link:Congratulations, Mike.I hereby decree,
as the Sub King because that is what I am, that Jersey Mike’s
is the best sub. Please pay us. – I will be eating some more–
– ( laughter ) Up next, we submerge
an unsuspecting stranger in a classic
movie-makeover montage. Link:Let us slide into your DMsby signing up for
The Mythical Monthly Newsletterat mythicalmonthly.com.